Gentle Starry Nights
by TheChestnutTree
Summary: Oikawa leaves Iwaizumi to attend Shiratorizawa, and they both are left to pick up the pieces. A story that is not quite in chronological order, about what could've been and what will be. (Iwaoi)
1. If Only

A/U: Where Oikawa goes to Shiratorizawa and much is left unsaid.

* * *

There wasn't much Iwazumi regretted. He stared up at the sky, and his whisper barely could be heard over the gentle roar of the stars.

"If only I had told you that I loved you too."

Then, footsteps came up behind him. "Hajime? You didn't have to stop and wait for us, you know."

Iwazumi forced a smile, and turned to face the rest of the Aobajōsai. _If only I had told you to stay._ "Hey, Takahiro. You guys are slow."

"Not our fault, captain. The first years bought veggie buns instead of meat buns so we had to go back." Issei replied, tossing a bun at Iwazumi. "They went home, since they all live in the other direction."

"Oh, okay." Iwazumi took a big bite and burned his tongue. He spit it out. _If only I had kissed you back._

"What's up? You've been acting weird since our match with Shiratorizawa. C'mon cheer up. We held our ground against the demon duo; Ushijima and Oikawa!" Takahiro smiled, but Iwazumi saw that both his friends had red eyes from crying. It was their last game. They wouldn't be able to play anymore. For some reason—no, for a very specific reason—Iwazumi wasn't as upset about the game as they were. After all, he had started volleyball because Oikawa loved it so much. And so he came to love it too. _If only you were with me instead of him, these past three years._

"But it really shocked me, you know? To find out that the top two players of this prefecture are...you know, gay?" Issei commented. "But it does explain why they are so compatible."

 _If only I had been nicer._ Iwazumi took a bigger bite of the meatbun, and let it burn his mouth this time. When he spoke, his voice was shaky. "Shut up. Can we not talk about Shiratorizawa now?"

"Sorry, sorry...so how did you guys do on your exams?"

"All above 95%" Iwazumi replied shortly _. If only I had done better, I could've gone with you._

"Damn...Hajime you've stepped up your game since first year." Takahiro laughed, but Iwazumi could sense that his vice-captain knew that something was wrong. "Say...isn't Oikawa your childhood best friend or something?"

 _If only you hadn't been the only one who tried._ He sighed, knowing that Takahiro wouldn't drop the matter. "Yes. But Tooru and I aren't close anymore. We barely talk."

"But...Hajime, you just called him...Tooru." Issei said cautiously.

He stopped abruptly. "I'm home. See you guys tomorrow. Sorry."

"Wait, Hajime-" Issei began, but Takahiro held him back.

"No, its alright."

 _If only I didn't love you. If only you didn't love me. If only you knew I loved you._

 _If only you never stopped loving me, Tooru._

Iwazumi ran into his room. "Shit, shit, shit..."

He had suppressed it for three years by avoiding Oikawa. He had blanked when Oikawa told him that he would choose Shiratorizawa. He had said terrible things. He did terrible things. And those words or actions weren't like the daily exchanges between the two. Those words that day were meant to hurt Oikawa. And he knew it. They both did.

 _"I don't need you. Go to Shiratorizawa. Go to Ushijima. I don't love you. You are pathetic."_

Why had he said what he did? Iwazumi wiped tears from his face, and checked his phone. Two missed texts from Oikawa.

 **Hey. Sorry about today.**

 **Your team played well.**

Iwazumi hesitated. His fingers were shaking as he typed his response.

It was your victory.

 _Congratulations, on that. Ushijima seems to really treat you well. I'm sorry for not being able to be like him. You deserve him._

It took ten minutes for Oikawa to respond.

 **Thanks. And its okay, Iwa-chan.**

Iwazumi began typing again.

Then he deleted it, and set his phone to one side. Iwazumi stared out the window, and let the gentle but deafening roar of the night sky drown out the sound of his grief.

"I still love you. I always have."

 _If only you still did too._

* * *

A/N: Fuck why am I torturing myself like this? Want a follow up? Happy ending? (PLEASE say you want a happy ending I am dying to do one I can't stand my precious children all angsty)

Also am I procrastinating my Kuroko no Basuke gag series? Well...kind of. I'm not entirely sure how to write some of the other minor characters, so I'm researching/reading the series trying to grasp their personalities. Sorry, this may take a while, but bear with me!

As always, feedback is much appreciated!


	2. What If

_What if we met again unexpectedly?_

"Tooru?"

Oikawa looked up from his book, bleary-eyed from the sway of the subway. That voice made him feel a pang in his chest. He blinked a couple of times, and then realised who it was. The person's shoulders were broader, hair freshly cut—the way it never had been when they were younger, and he had a navy three piece suit on. But it was undeniably Iwaizumi.

"Iwa...Iwaizumi." Oikawa coughed. He had stopped himself from calling out his old nickname with too much desperation. Was that disappointment he saw in Iwaizumi's face?  
"It's been a while huh?"

 _What if we are forced to talk like strangers, even though it had once been him that I knew better than anyone in the world?_

"Yes...yeah, it has. So what have you been up to these past four years?" Was Oikawa smiling normally? Was he pretending to be okay well enough? Could Iwaizumi still tell when he was upset?  
"Not much; doing my graduate degree, and interviewing for part-time jobs." Iwaizumi said, gesturing to his get up. "This isn't really my style."  
"No, it looks good." Oikawa felt a lump in his throat. The suit really fit well with Iwaizumi's personality. Clean. Straightforward. From the fugitive glances girls were casting at Iwaizumi, he assumed—not without a twinge of annoyance— that they felt the same. It was funny, how Iwaizumi never realised his own appeal. Back in middle school, although Oikawa was flashier, it was blatantly obvious to him that Iwaizumi was popular. And it wasn't as if he couldn't see why.  
"Thanks. So what about you? What brings you back to Tokyo?"  
"You know...I'm actually transferring to Tokyo for my graduate." Oikawa grinned lopsidedly. A couple girls giggled.  
"Some things never change...but I'm glad you're back." Iwaizumi rolled his eyes at them, then fixed a warm smile at Oikawa. One that had rarely been shown to him. One that Oikawa had always tried and failed to earn. Was that all it took? Pretending to not be in love with him anymore?

 _What if it still hurt?_

Oikawa smiled back, his heart shattering into a million pieces. "Yeah. Me too."  
They stared at each other in silence for a while. Oikawa wanted to cry. He knew that neither of them would bring up how Oikawa had confessed back at the end middle school. They wouldn't bring up how he had ignored Iwaizumi's texts, emails and calls for the past for years. They wouldn't bring up how Oikawa loved him. They would try to pick up where they had left off, and fail. Iwaizumi cleared his throat. "Um, are you still seeing Ushijima?"  
Oikawa blinked in confusion, before remembering that match against Iwaizumi four years ago. How he had stuck to Ushijima's side to try and make him jealous. How Iwaizumi seemed unfazed. How Oikawa had decided then and there to give up for good. "Oh, I think you might've misunderstood. We were never together."  
"Really?" Iwaizumi's face lit up, like it did the first time he had played volleyball.

 _What if all it still took was him to smile for me to feel better?_

"Yeah. What about you? Anyone special in your life?" Oikawa felt a tug in his chest, so familiar. He had tried dating a lot of people at university. Anyone who asked him. But no one, no matter how much he liked them, could make Oikawa feel the way he did when Iwaizumi just smiled. In hindsight, even those he had felt fond of reminded him of Iwaizumi is some fashion.  
"No. Not since you." Iwaizumi lowered his voice, but it was unnecessary. The train was empty, from the late hour of their journey.  
Oikawa felt his pulse beat out of control. He must have misheard something. "What?"  
"No, nevermind." The robotic voice announced the next stop, and Iwaizumi stood. "Well, this is my stop."  
"Oh, okay. Nice seeing you again."  
"Yeah...hey, want to grab drinks sometime? Catch up a bit?"  
"Um...no. Sorry, Iwaizumi. I...I can't."  
"I understand." Iwaizumi nodded, obviously hurt, and began to walk away. "Well, if my word is worth anything anymore, I'm sorry."

 _What if I still love him?_

"Wait! Iwa-chan!" Oikawa shouted, just as the subway doors began to close. "I never changed my phone number!"  
Iwaizumi looked surprised, but Oikawa couldn't hear his reply. Almost instantly, his cellphone buzzed.

 **Thank you. I'll call you soon.**

 _Please do. I'm free this weekend._

There were so many _what ifs_ that had been haunting Oikawa since Iwaizumi left his side. But at least now, he had answers to some of them.


End file.
